Mental Health Musings

I wanted to talk about the relationship between mental and physical health, and the exhaustion that comes from building healthy habits. I may not need to point out this obvious fact, but this is a personal blog with my own thoughts and opinions, and am not medically or behaviorally trained in any way, so no need to comment if there are facts to disprove what I say. Also, with it being a personal journey, you may not understand what it's like, but that's why I wanted to talk about it - to bring awareness of what it's like as someone who has anxiety and depression. I once had someone tell me "(anonymous) has it way worse than you and she's positive so you need to lighten up. Depression isn't real. People need to toughen up and get through the hard times in life because they don't last." Jerk.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand:

Your logical and emotional parts of your brain are quite a contradiction sometimes. I touched a bit about this in my first post, but constant negative thoughts affect your psyche in such a way that you'll do anything to stop the cycle. For example, beating yourself up for not getting good grades no matter how hard you try, which can lead you to believe you're dumb, which logically doesn't make sense if it's just one class; then you wonder why you can't figure it out, and on and on. Teaching was a big contribution to my depression. Constantly hoping my students will do okay, lesson planning outside of school hours which took hours and took away from exercise, participating in student activities which takes time away from relaxation or catching up on work, wondering how you can teach the subject, and if you have several students in the same class struggling, wondering if it's you or them, collaborating with coworkers for ideas on activities and classroom management... The list goes on and on. I would go home and numb the thoughts in social media "doomsday scrolling" for several hours, or by eating (and sometimes drinking) the night away while watching something on Netflix. It became such a habit that I still find myself "doomsday scrolling" after work even if nothing in particular happened, just because it allows my brain to check out. It would be much more helpful to check out by reading, or puzzling/coloring while having a show on (I now use Hulu). I could also walk on the treadmill while watching a show or walk outside while listening to nature, a podcast, music, or an audio book. But getting myself to do any of these other activities consistently, which I logically know I enjoy, seems to be a challenge for an unknown reason and it's bewildering.

Adulting is exhausting for everyone, whether you have a family or are single like me. Work full-time, unpack your workbag or lunch, exercise for 30 minutes, maybe shower, prep for work for the next day, make dinner or reheat leftovers. do something for enjoyment... You run out of time some days and it's easier sometimes to skip things like exercise. I'll make a separate post about ways to help this process. But if you add normal life with your brain spinning out of control, your life starts to get out of control.

What's frustrating in all of this is the lack of empathy from some people, such as the person in the opening paragraph. When that kind of response is received, it makes one shut down and not want to talk to people about their struggles. One of my hold ups was knowing other people have things going on in their lives and I didn't want to burden them with my struggles, or have them worry about me even more than my growing waistline. Logically I know it would make me feel better to vent and then the other person would be aware of WHY I'm having a hard time, but my feeling of being a burden used to overrule this. Some people also have a "just do it" mentality; for example, if you find yourself doomsday scrolling just put your phone down and get whatever it is you need to get done, whether it's exercise, chores, etc. But unless you've been in that frozen behavior you don't understand how that's easier said than done. Also, I recognize that yes I just need to do it, but doing it consistently is where I get stuck!

At the end of the day, we're all individuals trying to figure life out and some of us need a little more empathy. I'm speaking from someone who overeats to deal with emotions, but there are plenty of people who DON'T eat when they're stressed etc and while it's a different solution, it's the same issue. I want to point out that medications to help with mental health and/or weight loss, or getting bariatric surgery, should not be seen as the easy way out. If you choose to go on a holistic journey and you feel better, congrats! But if you choose to use antidepressants or something else, also congrats! It would be important to remember that if you do go on medication or get surgery that you still need to use coping skills to improve your mindset, but hopefully meds/surgery make the process easier.

Thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of your day!